I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
