You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
