handjob tips. give me some.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
