this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
