6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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