So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
