Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
