Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I faked an abortion last night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
