i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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