My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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