I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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