Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
