Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
do herpes really smell.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
