I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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