I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
