If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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