im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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