Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
