I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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