I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
