the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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