even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We left an ass print on the piano.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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