Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
