Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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