If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
