There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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