her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I FOUND THE LEGS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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