people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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