So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
