New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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