He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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