I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
