Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
