hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
