Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
