Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
