i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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