well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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