I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Randomize
