Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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