Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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