ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
dude. I can hear the air.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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