I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Found the puke drawer
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
