i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i came on her dog
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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