then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
