just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
