dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Randomize
