my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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