Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
