go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
