Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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