sarcasm needs its own font
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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