That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
