I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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