well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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