How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
