If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
