the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
love makes seman taste better
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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