Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We left an ass print on the piano.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
we're so committed to being not committed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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