I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
