Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
