she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
