who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Randomize