He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
