well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
