yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
