every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
