She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
