I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize