Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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