i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
