dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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