So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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