I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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