I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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