we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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