I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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