I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
