Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
