Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
