Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize