She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
