my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
