you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
