Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if only i could text you this smell
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
