I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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